Stuck :(

My weight seems to be stuck at 189.5 that makes me so sad. I'm thinking I'm not eating enough therefore my metabolism is not working, and by not eating enough I'm going to fat stores in my body, so I'm not buring any calories :( Bummer, I've been trying to eat every few hours, and good things, but I'm thinking I need to add my calorie intake. That's the plan for this week anyway...I hope it works. Because it's making me more depressed. 

Pound a week

That's the average amount I lose. I can't stand not being able to loose more than that. Today the scale read 193. The right direction/ I just wish it moved faster.

today

The scale said 194.5. Well accutally when it wasn't level it said ten pounds lighter. I can only wish... I've been drinking protein shakes 2 times a day this past week. Well on most days. But I haven't eaten more than one meal a day, just snacks. If I could just give up ice cream that would help...It actually tasted bad twice in the past week, but still hasn't stopped me from eating it...

Writing it down

I've started writing down what I'm eating all day, when I did this a few yeas ago it made me think about what I put in my mouth before I did it. I hope it helps. My scale makes me crazy. I think I've only lost 5 pounds, but I thought it was more last week, but the scale must have been tipped to read 191, or something. Bummer. I have no patience.

Down 4 pounds

The scale this morning said 194.5 this makes me happy. I do not want to be over 200 pounds again. I need to come up with a different snack option for bedtime. Peanut butter M n' M's are not a great choice especially since I probably had ice cream as my treat after dinner. I've cut down how much ice cream, so that's better. The last few days I've had a whey protein shake for breakfast and lunch. We have no good cereal! I know I will get burned out drinking the shakes for 2 meals a day, sometimes you just have to chew and crunch!

Trying this again

My weight is high, not at my all time high. But way to much. 198. I have started drinking a whey protein shake for lunch every day. Let's hope that helps, weight loss. I need to lose weight to be healthier, at this point. Meals have been a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, whey shake for lunch, healthy dinner with ice cream for dessert cause I can't give that upp, I'm trying to make the bowl smaller, but my love of ice cream it's hard to give up completely.

Stressed

What's the point of eating healthy and working out? Really, what is the point? I take ten billions of medicines a day and still my body fails. What is wrong with my heart? Am I going to live to see my daughters graduate high school? Watch my children marry? Be a grandmother? I'm really stressed out right now. One simple procedure to shock my heart into normal rhythm doesn't even work. Because my blood it too thick. But I still got to have an IV  started. 3 jabs later. And I got to swallow this disgusting think liquid to numb my throat, and wake up only to learn they didn't shock me. Now I have to call every day to see if the doctor has a cancellation that I can take to find out what they can do now. I just tried to eat and chocked on the fries, now my throat hurts a lot. and I've lost my hunger.   How did my heart go into abnormal rhythms to begin with???

God Is In Control.... Tying to let God, but full of whining

So, mu heart is telling me. But my mind? Has a much harder time believing it. Especially when I am feeling so awful. Not flu, cold, or allergies, although a doctor yesterday said it could be allergies or asthma. I did think he was a quack. But I did go through with having a chest x-ray, probably for no reason. The 2  ways I can describe how I'm feeling are like when I took too many ibuprofen and landed in the hospital 6 1/2 years ago, needing blood, and when I was dehydrated after the hernia surgery a few summers ago. Both of those times I felt like I was dying. Why does it seem like when it's Summer I am the sickest too?

My whole body aches, especially my legs, like I've worked out really hard, and have nothing left to give. I haven't even been to the gym for the past week. Just the thought of dragging myself and gym bag inside to the locker room is a very exhausting thought. I'm having a very had time with shortness of breath, Just walking from the living room to the bathroom I breathing hard. It has been 10 long days so far.

I saw my cardiologist yesterday. I just saw him in March and the EKG and Echo I had done then were fine. (OK fine for me). The EKG yesterday showed some weird readings. He said I had fluid in my heart. He put me on a new stronger water pill, increased my potassium, and added another heart drug. I have to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours, which will be like a continuous EKG. That starts on Friday. Then I'll see the doctor on the 11th. OK, fine. But when will I start to feel better? This is totally no fun for me or my family. Not that they really understand how I'm really feeling. Doing much of anything is so very awful. I did manage to cook a few pieces of chicken and chop up some lettuce tonight for dinner. The first time in a week, I think I've cooked anything. I just don't want to move off the couch or bed. It's just so awful not being able to take a full breath.

I have to keep saying... God is in Control.

Why does it have to be so darn hard????

It's so awful being/feeling sick all.the.time. I am so frustrated by it. I'm sure my family and everyone I know are tired of me always complaining about not feeling good. I know I am! Right now my biggest requests would to be able to breath normally and have energy.

God please be in control of my health and body. You know my heart and my desires to be well and live a long life. Please let that be your plan as well. And soon.

what's going on???

I have been controlling my carbs and going to the gym, I just haven't been good about updating everyday. I'm doing the important things, just not recording them. I'll get better to logging soon.

12-4-12

Didn't get up this morning to take my thyroid med. I took my old sleeping pill with one of the new ones again I love that I can sleep on that combo, but I don't want to get up in the morning. Tonight I'm going to try half of the old one with the new one to see if I can sleep with that combo. I haven't checked with my doctor on this yet, I thought I'd try to see what works then email her 
Had a slim fast drink on the way to the gym, and a laffy taffy when I got home, and I think I'll have an apple now too.

12-3-12

I forgot to take my thyroid med this morning, so I had to wait a long time to eat breakfast. This is going to be a drag till I get used to it.
Got a bagel on the way to the gym, after dropping Sarah off at school because Pat woke up late, and was in the shower when she needed to be :(
The new sleeping pill did not last night I couldn't turn my brain off to sleep :(
4 cake pops, not a good choice, but once I tried them and it was so good, I couldn't stop.
pork chops, red potatoes and cauliflower and ice cream cone for dinner 

12-1-12 and 12-2-12

Had to get up way to early on a Saturday morning. Sarah had to be at school at 8:30 for community service. Stopped at the store and bought some of the things for my Christmas baking and candy making. Then I came home an ate 2 donuts with milk. They weren't so good :( So sad to use all those carbs on something that wasn't amazing.
 Popcorn at the electric light parade, not so good, but I was starving, and it scratched my hole where my tooth was and man oh man it's still hurts :( Must remember not to eat popcorn on the right side yet.
2 more donuts when we got home but I didn't have milk this time, they still weren't very good:(

Sunday- apple cinnamon chex's with milk- not much cause I hated it!
1/4 pounder couldn't eat it all, and 1/2 on order of fries.
Woman's Christmas Tea at church- at way too much, the funny thing for me is out of all the desserts and there was tons, I picked ones I thought I would love, but I hated them all :( That is so not like me, there's not many desserts I don't like!

11-30-12

cereal 2 bowls with milk I was starving! I took my thyroid med at 6, and ate at 7:15, I couldn't sleep at all last night. Tried to go to sleep after I ate, read for a little bit. I think I fell asleep for a little bit, got up at 12:30 and went to the gym. Ate a pastry bar on the way.
I did it, I went to the gym 5 days this week!
Apple
french fries
turkey sandwich on 9 grain bread w/ mayo and cranberry sauce
double scoop frozen custard at Freddies

11-29-12

slim fast shake 44 c
GYM
seems like I ate something, but I can't remember what?
dinner was baked fish and rice, so yummy, I wished there was more.
had an ice cream cone after dinner
was starving after the dance show and ate a bowl of cereal.

11-27-12 and 11-29-12

slim fast shake 44 c
pastry bar 20 c
ground beef, potatoes, with cream of mushroom soup
ice cream cone
trail mix

Made it to the gym 2 days in a row!

3 days in a row to the gym!
Slim fast shake
cheesy bread sticks
trail mix

11-26-12

On the plan again! My mouth is still healing but it's better than it was 2 weeks ago!
Started taking my new sleep aid, not sure I like it yet. Pat was in the bedroom goofing around (not with me!) until after midnight. I got up and made sure the girls were up for school and took Thyroid med and went back to sleep should have woke up hours before I did, since I started dreaming like it was a movie and couldn't get myself to get up, cause I needed to finish the movie! At last my bladder couldn't take it any more and I got up.
Had a slim fast drink in the way to the gym! 44 c
turkey sandwich on 9 grain bread, with mayo and cranberry sauce
black olives
celery filled with cream cheese
ice cream cone
trail mix

11-24-12 and 11-25-12

Didn't sleep last night, got out of bed at 12:30 which means I couldn't eat until 1:30. Had poptarts and milk
6 PM 2 sugar cookies and 1/2 of the deli trio sandwich left over from last night. I reheated it for 30 seconds in micro and oh my goodness it was soo much better today!
A lot of carbs thus far today. But I'm gonna enjoy today and tomorrow since Monday I get serious again! I might even make myself go to the gym!

Sunday- pastry bar
Popeye's just one piece chicken with Ranch dressing and a few fries, I wasn't feeling that hungry :9 those fries are my favorite and it mad me mad that it's my last free day and I couldn't eat many :( Rachel had no trouble!
ice cream
poptarts and milk
trail mix

11-23-12

Ate my first meal late so ate I more poptarts! This is becoming a habit. I should not have bought them@ I blame they were on sale and I had coupons!
Popcorn and Peanut M and M's at the movies. I can't just eat popcorn at the theater is makes me sick. Bummer part was I still felt sick :( But I didn't throw up!
1/2 sandwich and curly fries, thanks my son!

11-22-12 Thanksgiving

Got up at 9 to watch parade and even though I was totally hungry I made myself take the Thyroid med and wait over any hour to eat :( Not so much liking being awake and waiting especially when the girls are eating in front of me!
Poptarts and milk
Just guessing I'll be eating!
Turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, olives, celery with cream cheese, cranberry sauce and sherbert, roll, pumpkin chocolate chip muffin, sugar cookies, pound cake, etc. etc! Yes, it's Thanksgiving!
Yep I ate all that, and had more sherbet later it was sooo good!

11-21-12

poptarts and milk
ham and swiss cheese pie, apples and caramel dip
ice cream
pretzels and sour cream
I really should have eaten more today. But I didn't feel that hungry and I was busy, laundry and getting ready for tomorrow.